Question:
Is child abuse allowed in Islam and will my mum be punished for it?
2012-07-07 08:48:10 UTC
I was abused by both parents, but it was my father's fault. My mother had a tough upbringing because her mother was raised in a village, and was therefore extremely strict and violent towards her, beating her black and blue and swearing all the time. She then got married to my father who only wanted her for money and made her work for his family like a slave and my mum was so gullible she did it all to save her marriage. I remember when i was 4 and we went on a family outing and my brother and i were in the car (he was 2 at the time). My parents were outside and my father had bitten and ripped the skin off of my mother's thumb and it look very red because of the blood, from the view from the car. He had beaten her in the bath tub a lot too and ripped up her shirt from the neckline and kicked her out many times too. He was also very bad towards my brother and I. My mum and I would always try to rescue each other from another one of his attacks everytime he was angry. I also know that he cheated on my mother a lot of times during their marriage and she just kept all of that in. Although she was taking all of that horrible abuse, she was taking it out on me as I was the eldest child. I have been brutally beaten and bled from her anger, whether it had been bashing me with shoes, breaking a wooden spoon on my head, pounding with fists, kicking, yanking me off a chair by pulling my hair and bruising me up all over my body, and swearing at me day and night over every small thing. She would call me a *****, ****** up **** (I'm muslim so therefore have never had a boyfriend as it is not allowed), a ****, bastard,witch, her enemy and that i should go run away and have sex with a guy and lose 'my honour.' She would call me ugly, and say that she wished I was dead and that I am the biggest burden of her life. Everyone makes fun of her for being a bad mother and having such a quiet daughter. People say that I am like a zombie, always serious and anti-social but most of them don't know the hell I've been through. My mum always found a way to twist her problems around so that I was to blame for everything. One minute she would be the sweetest woman around, then she would be like this psycho (spelling?). On Eid I remeber I was sleepy and was having trouble waking up early so when i came down, she chased me around the table and grabbed a large pair of scissors and threw them at my right eye and I still have the scar (this happened around 9 months ago) and still hurts when i look to the side (the hospital made it better and I said I had fallen from the stairs and fallen into the corner of a shoe closet). Eventually a lot of her friends were told by me about how she treats me and she taunts me about going behind her back and 'defaming' her and that I only got beaten because I deserved it. Until recently we've been having more verbal fights (the physical aspect is only a slap or two) with swearing on her part and trying to kick me out of the house by threatening me of sending me to social services where I'd get raped and abused. I always beg her to 'forgive' me for whatever she thinks I have done wrong. She has done good things like raising me up well with love and care until the age of 4 where she started venting her anger out towards me. The abuse has stopped for a week now, and I don't want to call social services because she says I'd get raped and even if I don't it wouldn't really help our situation as Uk social services are different than American ones. All of my mum's friends have sopped tying to help too . I'm a 15 year old girl in the Uk btw and please don't tell me to call social services, the police, or tell a school councellor or anyone, I just need encouragement.
I have no friends at school because of my serious personality and no one likes me. All of this has made me think of suicide but I refuse to do that because It is a grave sin in my religion and I know I am stronger that that as I have survived despite suffering for 15 years since birth. I just need some reassuring words, I don't want to see a therapist now coz they'll probably report it. I might get therapy when I'm 18 and over. Also in Islam it's like betraying your parents if you report it and that is a grave sin. Another thing is that whnever i don't talk to her because of her mistreatment she says its my fault. I have a problem with my feet so she massages them with oil. All I said a few minutes ago was that her hands were hurting me and then she kept going on and on about how i was being ungrateful. Then her anger built up and she started swearing at me and cursing again and again. Then I started to cry and said she was being horrible. This then made her say ' I'll break your ******* face and you can cry as much as you want.' Its hard not to cry when she is so abusive to me. She reminds me of my dad yet she says I'm just like him. WTF
Fourteen answers:
?
2012-07-08 06:08:46 UTC
It is wrong to abused kid in islam, it is a sin and even more.

A very know du'a from someone to the parent is ROBBIGHFIRLII WALIWAALIDAYYA WAR_HAMHUMAA KAMAA ROBBAYAANII SHOGHIIROO, love my parents like the way they love me when i was small. If a parent abused their kids, you can imagine this du'a implication to them, worse when their kid become salih kid.



Be brave young sister and patient. It is very hard for you, and what we can do just pray for you, hope in the future you will have better condition. In mean time you should keep pray and ask Allah for changing. Dzikir la hawla walla quwwata illa billah might help in between your activity, trust your faith and life to the Greatness of Allah.
?
2017-01-22 22:25:17 UTC
1
2016-02-24 01:48:10 UTC
Child abuse is illegal in the United States! Hiding behind a "religion", cultural norm, family practice, or cult is not an acceptable excuse to practice illegal dysfunctional, abusive behavior!!! Child abuse is amoral, criminal and unintelligent! No one can rescue you but you. No one is going to come and save you from the treachery of your family. I hope you will find the courage and the strength to break the cycle of abuse. You have taken a big first step by sharing you pain, but for your own personal safety and well being you should talk to a school counselor or trained social worker. Maybe a trusted teacher or friend can help you find the right people to help you get out of this terrifying situation. If you decide to do nothing or stay in this situation you may end up dead! God bless and keep you an your path to freedom. Be advised when you tell any official about the abuse, you may be removed from your home; possibly permanently, and you could end up worse off or better off than you are right now; no guarantees. Think and pray about what is in your own best interest. I would have run away if I had to deal with that type of craziness, in fact I did. Probably not the best choice, but abuse created many problems I was unequipped to solve, asking for help would have been a wiser thing to do. Please be wise, and safe!
Nihal
2014-10-21 23:39:27 UTC
I thought only my parents are bad now i realize if parents are so good why would ALLAH SWT put them in hell co's the people in hell are also parents for their kids but yet why they in hell this is some thing we need to think about only good people will enter in jannah and bad people enter in jahannam



I know my parents i wish i was never born to them but it''s the will of ALLAH that i became their son i hate my parents especially my mother she is evil and so hateful by her words and by her actions she never cared about any one expect her self and same as father i am looking for job now in airlines i hope i find the job soon and free from this prison



PLZ ALL MAKE DUA FOR ME THAT I GET OUT THIS HELL AND LIVE SOME WHERE HAPPY LIFE
?
2012-07-07 10:25:58 UTC
Alot of people have been abused by their parents. It's quite common In all cultures. It's haram and those who harm others will be punished.. If they don't repent and change.your father abusing your mum gives her no excuse to do that with you.. A mother should protect her children not attack them like an animal. Don't makes excuses for her, violence is violence..she knows how it feels yet she does the Same to her own.. This violence could seriously harm you. I would tell someone.. How can you put up with someone throwing scissors near ur eyes? I know hoe scary it is to leave home, but she needs to fear someone like police etc to stop harming you sweetheart. Say the school asked what my scar is and started asking Q's about ur treatment at home. She will pee her pants and fear the law (i guarantee you that) bullies always pick on someone weaker but shake when someone gets involved.



May Allah be with you :( wish I could give u a big hug. xx

-just know that Allah keeps reward for those who suffer in life. Always remember that and smile :) alhamdillah it's just verbal now and Insha'allah she stops that also.
2012-07-07 19:31:16 UTC
Sister, I know exactly what you are going through and I know the physical and emotional pain you are experiencing because your story is very similar to mine. Stay strong and definitely go for therapy, you're gonna need it. I went for therapy when I left home, it helped a bit but I'm still affected by it today and I've been away from my mum for 11 years.



It is haraam but the best advice I can offer you is when you turn 16 leave home, I think maybe then your mother will start to appreciate you and time apart may help to heal things. I'm sure you don't want to see your mother go to hell after everything she herself has been through.



Give her space to sort herself out and come to her senses and you can work on your self esteem and things that make you happy. Then try to rebuild a new and better relationship with with your mum.



I'm not gonna lie, it ain't easy. I myself am still having trouble trying to make peace with my mum, but for the sake of Allah and to possibly save your mum, it may help.
az
2012-07-07 18:30:22 UTC
No it's not allowed to abuse anyone in Islam. You will be accountable for your responsiblities in life such as parenting.



Your mum obvioulsy has mental problem, issues and she's very unstable so you have to forgive her. You know what she's like and what to expect from her so while you are at home try to expect anything from her and control your actions and reactions because you can't control hers. Your words are your slave before it leaves your mouth but after you become it's slave so be careful what you say and do and if you don't have anything good to say and do keep quiet as you will be accountable for your actions.



Invite friends for coffee, meals, even to your house and organise outings like shoppings or cinema and invite friends so you will make friends easlily this way. Pay attention to your studies and you can also do voluntary work if you need to something else away from home sometimes. Remember you are probably going to move away from home soon to study or even marry so don't think of this as a permanent problem for you, obviously it's going to affect your relationship wiht her but however she can't change right now, only you have to try to be above her and handle it well. You are still young and you will feel sad about it but don't feel sad and sorry for yourself for all the abuse as it's going to affect you negatively and not let you move on so just feel sorry for her as she's a sorry case and try to handle the situation and move on with your life.



Islamically keep in contact with your relatives and family and your mother is the most deserving of your company. It's good to follow the Islamic ruling and advice because then you won't have eratic and angry reactions like never to see your mum again etc as you know Islamically that's not correct. Maybe you can even try contacting your dad.



Do try to learn more about Islam. Do your 5 compulsory prayers and all the compulsory acts like Ramadan fasting. Try to night prayers and sunna prayers as well and look up on this and make lots of duas. You can also apply for courses abroad etc if you need a break where everything is paid including air fair and you can look up on these too. http://www.qu.edu.qa/artssciences/anns/about.php
2013-12-23 07:04:23 UTC
I m so astonished that such an ordeal can happen to a person in U.K its unimaginable and really unbelielble.Dear miss i have a same life story but im in pakistan,my mother single parent father worked abroad and died of liver cancer bcoz he had hep B.Im eldest my mother similar abusive but abuse has taken a turn to worst since mother had fight with father14 years ago.My education destroyed my life is wrecked.IM a virgin of 35 with no perspect of getting married or having a GF coz i have no self esteeem.The abuse is verbal and physical and I let her abuse me so she can lessen her anger but its a eternal inferno going higher everyday .now i reply to herr verbal abuse but she resort to physical abuse hitting me watever she can get in her madness and rage but i say nothing till yesterday she was trying to hit me with a plank of wood i took it from her and she hit me on the temple with a stainless steel pot hurt like hell and then that was the last straw for me and for the first time in my life i hit her back!!!

The remorse is so huge i cant get rid of i cried like someone has died and same way i had been asking her al those years that what is my fault plz forgive me and last night i cried like hell and asked God to kill her or to take me away ...i cant say no more
?
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Blablabla
2012-07-07 08:56:19 UTC
im a muslim myself. so i get that muslim sparants can be a bit abusive. its just how they where brought up. me myself i was beaten by my mother when i was a kid but no harm done i didnt even get scars. it was a "mild" beating. but even thought i get this and ive been through this problem before i serioulsy think that you should talk to someone or contact somone. and i know you have that guilt because this is your mother and father and they raised you and gave you eveerything that you have. but they way that you described it is not briniging somone up and teching them how to act. this is issues that your mother anf you father have and you are the victim. so i really think that you should talk to somone it does have to be social services talk to a shrink because you really need to get away from this. many muslim women have been victims to this and many have been very hurt both fysically and emotionally so talk to somone and if is does not help contact social services because you cant live like this you might get badly hurt. whatever guilt you have about them giving you shelter try to forget it just remeber how much they have hurt you and how much they have beaten you and with that the guilt goes away . you and your brother seriously need to go. otherwisw contact one family member that understands you and see if they can help you.
?
2017-02-20 16:41:14 UTC
2
Hiba
2012-07-07 11:40:54 UTC
No, it's not allowed, and yes, mummy will be punished for it.



Parents have rights in Islam, but so do their children. Wrong is wrong and wrongdoing is wrongdoing however you put it.



Oppression is worse than murder--don't stand for being oppressed.
?
2013-11-24 00:15:44 UTC
your post made me very sad if you need a friend or someone to talk to you can email me at noraarif@yahoo.com
?
2016-05-19 01:58:53 UTC
sometimes all it will take is that first keep in touch with drop surprisingly in love.


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