i made another poem (based on a true story)?

Question

ok guys i made another poem look and tell me how it is .......... and ya laugh also. and plz if some athiests are gonna say something about it plz dont. all i have to say is no body is perfect and i cant leave my friends for there flaws i would rather help them get over it.

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This is a story of a little nerd guy
Who fell in love and then had to cry
He was vulgar and dirty, had no manner to meet
And the girl he picked was so very sweet
He’d wink to her for half a year
She’d hump and turn as he was not even there
For so much time didn’t go even near
He knew she’d slap and it was his fear
All he did was stare and her so black hair
And one day he said it and got kicked in there……………………….Yes one day he said it and got kicked there

So humiliated with is face red
And many tears that guy did shed
But after only half an hour
He saw and followed another flower
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A tribute to my friend who got slapped today by a girl for saying a vulgar thing to her LOL!!!! He used to stare at that girl for half a year and then someone dared him to actually say just a little thing to her. And he got kicked in the shin ………………. So it was not actually “in there”. He was looking like he was ashamed. But alas after 15 mins (had to make the tune so I said half an hour) he said this “hey look guys isn’t that girl beautiful”
And I was like laughing there!!!! And then made this poem after coming home


and ya i am making another poem about war again. so keep looking forward to my angry side LOL!!!!!

anyways salam
PIECES

Answer 1

Wa salaam,



Okay, now that was crude.



And you better not be like that "friend" of yours :P

Answer 2

You know...it's not bad. There are some spelling mistakes and obvious forced rhyme, but keep working on it. You should post it in the poetry section to get real feedback from other poets. They will help you improve and you can read some great pieces in there.



I like the end..."he saw and followed another flower". That's good and so typical of boys.

Answer 3

Were nursery rhymes approximately instilling well behaviors over dangerous ones? I feel in starting place they were not intended for youngsters (they arrive from songs, performs, even pagan rituals) and through the years because of their rhythmic nature might be... Does any one have extra examples of creepy ones?

Answer 4

Oh that poem is so cute :D,

You shouldnt laugh at your friend -.-



He got kicked in there o,O Ouch for him

-.-I felt Pity for him , but then again when I read he followed another ...



He deserved it ):)



Salam

Answer 5

He deserved it.

Show him the poem!



Peace.