Why am i nice to my culture,but my culture isn't nice to me?

Question

i know,i know,culture is nowhere near as important as to Islam...

I'm a palestinian-american 13 year old...and I’m not as Palestinian as an actual Palestinian, and I’m not that American...i don't listen to the modern popular music or watch the popular TV shows, or have many American friends (or even friends in general)....so I’m not Palestinian, nor am i American, what am i? An in-between???

I go to my relatives in Palestine and Jordan, and they HATE MY GUTS! My aunts just hug me and kiss me until i pass out, and talk to me in Arabic as though i were three! (And i know a fair amount of Arabic, compared to the other arab-americans I’ve met...i don’t know as much as an actual Arab, but enough to have a good conversation. Although i am having trouble understanding the Quran and Arabic TV), and i have MILLIONS of cousins, most of them older than me by a few years...but there are a few the same age, and they LOATHE ME! I spend the night at their house a lot when we go to Jordan (my mom forces me to), and we have nothing whatsoever in common! We just sit around and watch TV or bake something. But one time, they told me to help them make dinner, and told me to make the salad (by the way, cooking is apparently a vital thing to being a self-respected woman and the only way you'll get married in Palestine...weird) my mom never really taught me how to cook,so i did my best.When i was done,i showed them the salad,they seriously burst into laughter and said "you call that a salad???you can have that,ill make us some REAL salad!" My aunt came in,and i was close to tears,and she calmed me down and said something that made me even madder,"don't be too hard on her,she's american,and her mom hasn't taught her how to cook yet" (i was only 11 at the time,and now,im 13,and still don't know how to cook...and we're going to JOrdan again next summer....oh dear,ill NEVER get married....Oh well,like i care about marriage anyway!)
another thing,i have a lot of older cousins that are in highschool and college and i help them with their english homework.For example,my cousin had to write a simple 3 paragraph essay about eating habits (in the 11TH grade),i helped her with nice,big vocabulary words and excellent grammar,just being a little 6th grader...and you know what?she has the highest grade point average in english,thanks to ME!

Same with my college-aged cousins,and i get dragged around as a show-and-tell thing to make them look popular

they all HATE me...how do i know?i overheard my gossip-skilled cousins backstabbing me...""why is she here?" "she reads arabic really slowly!" "when is she leaving?" "when we're hijabis,she probably going to be a skank!"

My mom and dad thought i was lying to them when i told them they said that...

also,my mom HATES my dad's side of the family because they are falahee (thats basically a redneck palestinian),and there are many family arguments goiong on throughout our visit...

BUT....i still do many projects and presentations about Palestine,and defend the palestinians from the stereotypes such as the Palestinian alarm clock on family guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWBA3TQ43M8

i made 2nd place in overall state competition on my project about the Petra (a beautiful landmark in Jordan that i have visited)...and i did a report on how practical the Bedouins are (nomads of Jordan)...i also played fairuz music on my flute for a solo and ensemle competition and made a superior rating...Also,i have done many media presentations about the Palestinian-Israeli conflict,and did a poster presentation about Muslims and Islam...and Palestine and it's religious landmarks and famous people (also,i had to wear an embarresing thob to school,and wore a fez in a presentations about Arabs...)
I also plan on becoming a politician and defend palestine...

WHY IS IT THAT I AM NICE TO MY CULTURE,BUT IT'S PEOPLE,MY OWN PEOPLE,AREN'T NICE TO ME!????

i know,i must have patience...i know,this place isn't supposed to be my diary,i know,it's long and annoying...but i have no other muslim or even arab friends...my own relatives despise and gossip about me!

lately,i haven't been considering myself as an arab ,and woulfd anger my mom by saying anoying things like "why is it that you arabs are obsessed with old black and white films?" and she would say "so you aren't arab?" "nope,according to my whole family,im not...so i guess ill be american...like it matters anyway...as long as im muslim.."

and that made my mom really mad,because i can only marry a palestinian....from a city called beit safafa...which probably narrows it down to my cousins,who i told you before,hate me...so i guess im either going to marry some american convert out of nowhere,or not marry at all...ok,no marriage,FINE WITH ME!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

omg i cant believe it

im shocked about the whole Palestinian alarm clock on family guy



as for your cousins

i think they secretly envy you

about how well your educated, and how you live in america etc....

Answer 2

You're only 14, you don't have to worry about marriage. I know it's a cultural thing but don't listen. It's bad that your parents say this to you. According to the Quran, Arabs are not superior to non-Arabs and non-Arabs are not superior to Arabs. Religion should be most important when choosing a spouse. So what if you marry a non-Arab? Yes, your family will have a lot to say about that but didn't a lot of them already reject you? I think it's best to marry someone with the same religious beliefs and who cares about you a lot and respects you. That's what will help form a happy marriage.



Maybe that's what happens with people who were born outside of their country. I'm Somali and I find that a lot of my relatives who actually grew up in the country don't consider me Somali, they treat me as though I'm Canadian. It's really annoying. I think it's because they don't see you being close to the culture and language so they consider you an outsider. It doesn't matter because no matter what country you were born in or live in, you will always be Arab. You know the language, even if not very fluently, and you are familiar with the culture and with your country. At the same time, you're also American because you're familiar with the culture, country, and language. You're both. Don't let people tell you who you are, only you can decide it and you should have confidence in who you are.



It is good to be patient and forgiving. Don't hold any ill-will towards your family, even if they treat you badly. You should probably keep a bit of distance though, if they're so mean. But it seems like your aunts are nice to you, nicer than your cousins. You've done nice things for them, which is good. You don't want to stoop to their level because you'll have to answer to God in the end. If you're feeling lonely, try to make more friends. It might help to make Arab-American friends or Muslim friends who can identify you. It will make you feel less and lonely. Plus, I find that people whose family comes from another country but who grew up in a different one have a unique identity. Maybe you can find your place with them. I'm sorry things are difficult. :( Inshaa Allah, things will get better for you.

Answer 3

Oh my! Guess what? you've got the answer for your question in the Holy Quran.

NO, Culture is one thing and ur family is another. As a Muslim you are compelled to keep strong relationship with ur family in spite of all the problems that happen. So, do NOT think about hating ur relatives or ignore them. We are all humans and we make mistakes, and the best way to treat those who are not good towards u is by forgiving and treating them in the best way possible.Try to treat those who are not nice to u in a totally opposite way, and this will give them a lesson and they will correct themselves one day.



Allah says in the Holy Quran: {Nor can goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate! And no one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint} [Quran, 41: 34-35]

Live this verse in ur life with ur family and hopefully Allah is gonna change things for better soon.Th

Answer 4

i really dont know what to say to you

you are 10000% right



the people in here like this its gonna be hard to you to get used to them

but you cant say that they hate you

no they are just jealous of you as salma said



and its okay to hate all your cousins

for me i hate all jordanian but i still live here

and i deal with them everyday



and plzzz stop talking about marriage now

you are only 13 years ols so its not an issue for you



the funniest part was that you cant make salad

How can you marry and you cant make salad

heheheheheheh



noooo am just kiddin :D

TC

Answer 5

Spanish, they are so noticeably yet in basic terms ok for Spanish human beings! Irish are great. Worst= some American. there substitute right into a woman on the Olympics referred to as Nastia! some u . s . a . names are great however.

Answer 6

When I was just a little girl

I asked my mother, what will I be

Will I be pretty, will I be rich

Here's what she said to me.



Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours, to see

Que Sera, Sera

What will be, will be.



When I was young, I fell in love

I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead

Will we have rainbows, day after day

Here's what my sweetheart said.



Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours, to see

Que Sera, Sera

What will be, will be.



Now I have children of my own

They ask their mother, what will I be

Will I be handsome, will I be rich

I tell them tenderly.



Que Sera, Sera,

Whatever will be, will be

The future's not ours, to see

Que Sera, Sera

What will be, will be.

Answer 7

I think that your cousins are just jealous of you - period. Have patience with them. It is a good training to learn how to deal with difficult people....you can only do so with much patience (and prayer)



Why do you keep bringing marriage issues. You talk like an adult okay, but you are like just a teeny teen!!



May Allah bless you much little Sister.



Salaam

Answer 8

Why, if you're Palestinian, do you have an Algeria flag in your picture?